Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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