I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
