i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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