you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
