did you get engaged???
where am i from again
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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