i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
