I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
