i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
