I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
