Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
