Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
