He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
