Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
