Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
