i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We need a shit load of segways right now
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
