I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
