You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
