I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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