Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was a blind-side dick pic.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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