Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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