oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
