i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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