3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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