new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
