dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize