Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
