the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
