i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
did you just send me my own nude
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My feet surprised me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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