For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
