if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
