You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
