GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
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Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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