Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
A bitchslap is in order.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
