Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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