I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
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I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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