If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
