U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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