i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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