I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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