haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
