Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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