He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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