I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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