Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
