I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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