There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
