we have pet lesbian snakes
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Randomize
