Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
