Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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