I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
