I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
