Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
