Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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