remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
