do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
