Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
