dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
