And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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