My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
