tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
