I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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