why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she pinky promised me she was 18
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
