Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
