Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
