I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
