does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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