Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
