READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
