I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So vagazzling was a success
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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