i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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