ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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