I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
