Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?