just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.