Will you blow on my dice?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.