Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am midnight drunk by noon
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
