there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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