We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
