he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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