Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
