Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
