did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
