He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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