i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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