mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
