community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
