this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
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i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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