I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
