His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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