You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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